We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
