There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
