My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
