He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I don't deserve a penis
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
