So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
