i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
