some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
