either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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