Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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