I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Randomize
