she sounds like chewbacca in bed
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
