His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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