He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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