I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
