So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
