dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
