You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
