I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
