youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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