Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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