im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
