OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
