she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
