i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
