Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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