you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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