I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
