So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
