carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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