my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
