I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
