the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
