i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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