Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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