arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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