I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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