i just wanna soil my oats bro
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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