Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you didnt know i had herpes?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
