considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
