Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
