toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
