his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
