we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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