i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
