ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
