Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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