Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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