If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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