I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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