when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
