...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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