Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
